I’m jealous of people who genuinely like the morning. I do not.
In the morning it takes a massive effort to coax myself to get up and running. I can fake being a “morning person” quite easily. I can get up whenever I chose to; I can even make myself a smiling and cheerful person early in the morning.
Part of the reason I do not like the morning is due to the way I feel later in the day. As the afternoon gives way to the evening I reach maximum functionality. My best ideas, most efficient work, and fullest enjoyment of life happen between 10pm and 2am. I just can’t capture that feeling during the morning or afternoon.
Now you might be thinking that staying up late causes me to be tired and function poorly early in the day. However, I’ve had long stretches of time when I was operating on a relatively strict schedule of going to bed early and getting up early and I felt the same. It seems I am a creature of the night.
It is fitting that I am a Temple Owl.
Here is a general estimate of my function during the course of a given day:
Key to function ratings:
0 = Opossum (Dead, for real)
1 = Opossum (Playing dead)
2 = Hippo (Sedated)
3 = Slug (Jogging uphill)
4 = Tortoise (Working for the DMV)
5 = Elephant (Feeling patient)
6 = Bison (Grazing)
7 = Horse (Frolicking)
8 = Dog (Wants to play)
9 = Cheetah (In pursuit of wildebeest)
10 = Roadrunner (On crack)
So this is why I have a difficult time going to bed. When I feel like a roadrunner on crack I am hesitant to call it a day and return to the inevitable sedated hippo status. Every once in a while I manage to start the day as a slug or tortoise. My record high is bison status first thing in the morning.
Like Nigel Tufnel’s amp, my functionality goes to 11 on occasion.
What creatures do you emulate during a typical day? When do you reach maximum functionality?
